It may be impossible to think of a character that stands for America more than Superman himself. With his strength, honesty, kindness, and valor, he's the image of the United States that we all hold so dear. That's why it's a hard pill to swallow when he's portrayed like the abomination you're about to see. Put the kids to bed, because this is a picture that will haunt their susceptible young minds. See the travesty that is this bootleg Superman figure courtesy of The Undiscovered Playthings bootleg action figure blog. It's awaiting inside the newest edition of:

The image below isn't too terrible. Sure the packaging is a little wonky and generic, but it looks like Superman includes some decent-looking armor. It's actually a pretty cool idea as far as action features like that go; give Superman some armor. You know, the strongest man alive, invulnerable to all attacks, he might need some samurai gear, right? Despite the reasoning, it does look cool and even includes his emblem. A nice touch from otherwise lazy bootleggers.  

 

It's his face that is so absolutely horrifying that it will be burned into everything I see for the rest of my days. What in the hell happened here? He's some sick, zombified, horse-faced, Ernest goes to the Hall of Justice, bug-eyed, Billy Ray mulleted monstrosity. Between that face and his tumor-laden thighs, this guy is sure to be a hit with the ladies.  

I'm beginning to think this feature is just too scary. Even worse is that this fellow has a partner in crime, that's almost as bad. Check out the matching Spider-Man over at The Undiscovered Playthings and let me know what you think.