Names are funny things. Some people like to play jokes on their future generations by requesting that all males in the family carry the name of "Josonabich". They will plead with you to name your children this way, they will make grand claims of it being a prized and honored tradition. Do not believe these people. Instead, use it against them. At the next barbeque, request they bring lots of food, and if they complain in even the smallest way, remind them of how proud you will be to name your child, Josonovich. And then, when the time comes to name the kid, name it Luscious. Stud Luscious. Stud Lucious Jr. Now that kid is gonna be a winner!
Name: "Mutt" Williams
Line: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Manufacturer: Hasbro
Released: 2009
Price: Retail: $1.00-$8.00, Online: $2.00-$5.00
Scale: 3.75 in.
Accessories: Wobbly Rapier, Flimsy Crate, Crumpled Sticker, Bent Spear of Destiny
Sponsor Listings: Past Generation Toys-$1.00
I thought I would like this figure a lot more than I actually do, I was looking forward to adding a smart-mouthed sexy young punk to my collection, somewhat of an avatar of myself if you will. The problem is, he looks too young, like, 12 years-young. And the most distressing thing of all is that I have no concrete idea of how Hasbro could have made him look older. Sure, I can suggest fixes like making the figure leaner so it looks less like a pudgy little kid, or strengthening the chin so it's not so pointy and anime-like, but I don't think either of those would completely correct the issue. The height works well enough for an older teenager, but the figure still looks like a little boy, raise the head on the neck (pop the head off and put it back on only half-way) and see if he looks older to you (I think it helps).
If you can ignore that, then this is a nifty figure! There's enough detail on the leather jacket to make it look realistic, even the little silver buttons are sculpted (not the gold "pins" on the lapel though). The right sleeve might be a tad too bulky, but it doesn't interfere with any movement. The jeans looks great, but the swivel-hips are detrimental to the figure's overall rebellious ambiance... wait, what did you say, Nightmare?! The crotch and ass suck! The swivel makes them look fat and saggy, like an old man! Also, the rear-pockets had to be sculpted awkwardly to the sides to accomodate them. All this guy's friends will make fun of him and call him "Crooked Pants McGraw", making him comb his hair nervously more often, eventually leading to a rare form of scalp cancer; nothing cool about that at all. The boots are slick, and though they have grey chicken-scratches all over, the effect is only painted so you can remove it with some nail-polish remover. When was the last time you gave your figures' shoes a spit-shine?
Smartly, the "Made in China" and year of production stamps are hidden under the feet instead of obnoxiously on the body somewhere. I think the hair looked great before being painted, it looks "soft" in some places but sharp in others. Also, I'm not sure if it's just a biker thing, but the left boot doesn't have a buckle while the right one does.
Sculpt Score: 7 / 10
More on things I have no clue about, why are the bottom edges of the pants green? I understand that they may be rolled-up a bit, but GREEN? Really? What kind of mutant fungus is growing on those things? I like it. It's a suitable biological weapon to use since this figure doesn't come with his switch-blade. Looks like the pants are molded in blue, but they have a hideous brown splotchy wash over them, worse than the poop-stained "Feats of Clay" Batman. Here's a tip for you toy-companies: Washes don't work with only one color. Even less when you're applying it directly to plastic and not a base-coat of paint. The single color is unnatural, makes it look like the figure was accidentally dropped in some mud at the factory. But if I weren't being such a dick, I'd say it was passable. The jacket, arms, face and neck aren't painted, but the hands, shirt, and hair are. I think the figure would look older if the eyes weren't painted so wide...and sloppily. He looks very worried, like people will misinterpret what the brown stains on his pants are.
I think it's funny that Mutt sewed his name onto his jacket in lower-case letters. Sure, it looks like an Arts and Crafts project from elementary school, but it's funny nonetheless.
Paint Score: 6 / 10
Blegh. I was loving it until I got to the hips, you suck Hasbro. Also, George Lucas sucks for causing Star Wars figures to be more expensive, they should be $2.00 and no tax charged, and should come with a free droid in every package... and a pog! Also, screw you McDonalds for subliminally poisoning my reviews with your stupid slogans. There isn't much you can do with swivel-hips other than sit, stand, and sort-of run. The knees are swivel-hinges, which are remarably subtle and functional, but their greatness is limited by, you guessed it, George Lucas. Oops, I meant the hips, yeah.
Everything else works fine, the shoes aren't limited, the arms move freely, there's a swivel at the waist and wrists, elbows bend satisfactorily, just peachy.
Articulation Score: 7 / 10
No knife included with this Mutt (there is another version that does) but he does get that sexy rapier and The Spear of Freaking Destiny! You can't beat that! They're just not very practical weapons anymore, a knife is much easier to conceal than a giant needle or a cumbersome glowing spear. Many, if not all, of the recent Indiana Jones figures have a little paper crate included in the package that contains a sticker for a now-expired contest and an ancient relic (the artifacts you see in the movies). There are various websites that will show you what each figure comes with, gotta catch 'em all!
Fun Score: 6 / 10
I love the relics, they're a bonus that help make the retail price of $8.00 for the figure almost easier to swallow. There's no shortage of places where you can get these figures cheaply, they didn't sell as well as was hoped I guess. The package is pretty and the contents are okay, but I wouldn't pay $8.00 for this. The jacket is removable, and really, most of the figure is re-usable for customs, so this figure is appreciated among the custom-community. We've always wanted to make hot biker chicks, now we can complete them with this figure's limbs. What's it like to be wanted only to have your arms ripped-off, Mutt?
Value Score: 6 / 10
64 / 100 - This is an Okay Toy
This fig is fine if you're just gonna leave it up on display and never think about it again, but the play-value stinks with those lame hips. Very cool accessories, great custom fodder for the cheap price, buy a bunch of these and save a ton of money compared to having to cast more jackets yourself.
This could be the figure given away in this month's Review Commentator Contest. Join the discussion by leaving a comment on this review for a chance to win!
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