Few things in life are truly regrettable. Even fewer actions are regrettable both if you go through with them and also if you don't; Collecting Transformers is waaaay on the top of that list.

Over a decade ago, I remember laughing at the dorks who collected Transformers, specifically the ones who collected all 20 paint-variants of a character. How can you weirdoes drop $20 over and over on essentially the same toy? I was knocked off that high peg when a friend came over one day and said, "Man, why do you have so many Superman toys?" (the old Animated Superman toys from Kenner). I didn't realize how many I had until then. "Because they look cool!", I said, before starting a slap-fight because I knew I had been officially "moded".

 

Though I didn't look down my nose at Transformers, or their fans, anymore, I still refused to buy one. I don't have a toy-collecting ancestry, or even a comic or TV-owning ancestry!, so I didn't know anything about Transformers. But as I grew-up, more and more info and concepts about them worked their way into my mind, to the point where I finally convinced myself that I hated them so I wouldn't be tempted to buy them.

This went on for a few years until I saw some of the Energon Transformers toys. There were lots of sharp angles and translucent pieces and big ass missles and what's that? They can combine with other robots to make BIGGER robots!? Finally, a challenge for the Megazord! Well, I still wouldn't bite, I didn't have the money to be blowing on those things, I had to save-up for college and a car and stuff.

 

But soon, while rummaging through an old box in the closet for picture-frames, as Fate or The Devil himself would have it, I found and old Transformers toy in that box. It was a gold-plastic truck that turned into a cool robot with a sword. All those years of hating on Transformers and it turned-out I was once a fan too. Like a dam suddenly blown, a torrent of memories flooded my brain. I used to have a bicycle! And a Hot Wheels collection! Where's the clown-puppet!? Okay, I didn't need to find that horrible thing, but I did remember this TF had a partner! More rummaging uncovered a black station-wagonish car, like something found in the old Batman: TAS cartoons. It had flames painted and it had a really cool jagged sword like the truck. I distinctly remember that they had a small LED on a cable that plugged into the underside of one of the hands, and that made the transparent sword glow! I'm pretty sure now that they were bootlegs, but they didn't at all look like bootlegs, they were sturdy and decently poseable.

So, here I am, a few more years later, and I can't find them anymore. What I did find, was this:

 

Pictured above, is the remnants of the gold-colored truck, specifically the LED I mentioned, while there are no signs of the black car at all. The gun may be from a different toy, but he chrome missile makes me think it's Transformer-related. I can't even find their swords or broken heads, nothing. What happened to these guys? Why is this LED pack ripped from the robot? Was this maybe the beginning of my customizing but it went horribly wrong? I'll never know, and it annoys the hell out of me. I remember the day my parents bought them for me from the Thrifty store on Sunset and El Centro, back before it turned into a Rite-Aid. The real kicker is this:

 

These toys were bought damn near 15 YEARS AGO, and the LED still works! The toy was thrown at walls, down flights of stairs, stomped, bashed, gashed, and hammered, then finally, mysteriously scrapped, and the batteries and LED are still kickin'. Now THAT'S quality! And now the question: Why do I regret remembering this? Mainly because now I feel like an ass for making fun of TF fans, but also because out of all the toys I had then, I had the most fun playing with these two Transformers. I had seen nothing else like them at the time, they were oddities that I just couldn't put down. But somewhere along the way, I did, and now they're lost to the carelessness of youth and time.

The point of making this post is to apologize. I owe an apology to every TF fan out there who I unfairly called an obsessed nerd. Every one of you whose missiles and accessories I've hidden so I could see you run around like a chicken with its head cut off. I apologize for every time I've gone into someone's home and poked dents into their MOC packaging (I don't apologize to you G1 fanatics though, aside from those little bots made out of cassettes, all those toys stunk, hah!). I now own a handful of Transformers and can't see myself parting with any one of them.

Anyway, now that I'm not worried about monsters under my bed and getting cooties, only now can I appreciate the masterful artwork that a Transformer really is (except for 25th Ann. Dinobot, that thing stinks too! ;P ). After disassembling a few Transformers, I can fully appreciate the massive amount of patience and skill it takes not only to build, but design these things in the first place. A thousand years from now, when our ancestors tread on our shattered skulls looking for what were our greatest accomplishments, Transformers will surely be at the top of that list too.

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Thanks to Piffy and Webstor from the Fwoosh Chatroom for helping me find-out what the two Transformers were. The yellow truck was Autobot Electro and the old-school black car was Decepticon Sizzle, Generation 2 they believe. The series was called "Laser Rod" or something like that. For all I know, these 2 Transformers could be rotting in some mud-pit in Mexico by now... *sob*

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