[TAO's Note: Any review containing the phrase "How do you handle all that meat staring at you?" is a review that I have to read. Ewan's review uses exactly that phrase, and it's definitely a must-read. After all, "Guardsman is pure green metallic meat."]
Name: Guardsman
Line: Iron Man 2 Comic Series
Manufacturer: Hasbro
Released: May 2010
Price: Online: $9.99-$12.99, Retail: $7.99-$8.99
Scale: 3.75 in.
Accessories: Yellow repulsor blast effect, 3 x Armor Cards, Base (1 peg) with Armor Card stand.
He's got the perfect sculpt--for a naked body builder! And while he's not quite world class in that respect, he's still pretty darn buff, pumped, cut, chiseled or whatever word describes having major muscle-age. Yeah that's right, go ahead and pronounce that with a hard 'c' instead of a silent one. "Musklage." It just rolls off your tongue into the 'c' and then ends with an "edge." Heh, fun with puns! "Musklage." I can't stop saying it! It's awesome. Guardsman's musklage is so awesome it hurts your eyes. Just look at that 6-pack. Then turn him around and look at that 10-pack he's got on his lower back! Those muskles are so well sculpted it's like when you're at a body building contest and you get a raw, uneasy, feeling with all the bulging biceps, pecs, and thighs around. How do you handle all that meat staring at you? Guardsman is pure green metallic meat.
Now the head is probably the only part of the sculpt that has a unique design. It's the only part that doesn't have bulging musklage and I kinda like the simple yet distinctive design. But I guess therein lies the problem--the muskles end and the helmet, gloves and boots begin all too suddenly, making poor Guardian here look a little to oddballish. He never looks not naked in a perverted kind of way. What sort of guy would want to wear a suit of armor that makes him look like he's only wearing a helmet, gloves and boots?
Well, Guardsman's got one "gripping" hand and a fist. And if you find that semi-open hand familiar, it's because it's the Punisher's hand from wave 1 of the Marvel Universe line. Yup, that's the hand that looked way too big for good ol' Frank Castle and if I'm not wrong, couldn't grip his guns tightly. Well, Guardsman here has got no guns to hold. And somehow with all those bulging muskles, the hand doesn't look as over-sized as it did on the Punisher.
Sculpt Score: 7 / 10
Guardsman is cast in what looks like a milky green plastic and painted two lovely shades of metallic green, the lighter of which really catches the eye even in package and makes the figure pop. The lighter shade complements the darker green very well, as greens tend to do with each other. (I know I sound like I'm an artist but my career in that line ended in kindergarten.)
The faces I've seen on this guy everywhere seem ok but his chest line green needs to be looked at properly because that's where this one figure is inconsistent. The good news is that it's the only place on the Guardsman where I've seen crooked paint lines. But there's more bad news in that you can't see the back of this figure and mine turned out to have a more blurry line on his back and some spotting on the darker green onto the lighter shade on the left back portion.
His helmet is one of the places on this figure that I've not seen slops and spills on. They managed to get the metallic green on the raised edges of the helmet perfectly. They've also done a good job with the eyes, which is the only thing not green on this guy. Without a nose and a mouth to paint you might say that it's simple enough that Hasro shouldn't get it wrong--and they haven't, so it's good news all round.
As intriguing as the paint scheme intially is when you lay eyes on him, it becomes rather unexciting after you get past your thrill of the green paint. But it's a comic series figure, which has simpler designs usually, so that's more or less 'acceptable.' After all, you can't expect to be a C-list villain-turned-hero and expect to outdo the more brazenly gold and red Iron Man!
Paint Score: 7 / 10
The Guardsman guy moves freely as if he were a nimble gymnast and looks like one too. His limbs are free from obstructions like shoulder guards, blocky chest sculpts, extra high thigh sculpting, and lower leg armor. The one exception is his head, which again has the peg of the ball really far up his noggin'. And after the initial figures of this line like the Marks II and III showed that they could make full head motion possible, somehow the newer figures have been neglected in this area.
Articulation Score: 8 / 10
Fun factor lies in his simple look and the fact that he might end up being a peg warmer because of it. He'll end up on clearance and you can get a bunch of him to serve as android guards, elite armor assault forces, or as Tony Stark's naked robot menservants.
On his own, he's flexible and muskular enough that he'll fit in with your 3.75 inch WWE figures! And when Iron Man sends out an emergency distress signal, he'll spring into action even if he's in the middle of a title match. Or he'll just be corrupted by the Heels and hang with them in the bar after a hard sweaty night of wrasslin'.
Fun Score: 8 / 10
Guardsman has the standard 3 x armor cards and figure stand. He also comes with a much preferred blast effect, in this case a yellow one. It's definitely better than no accessories at all and also better than a BFG that fires missiles. The great thing is that the repulsor blast comes in yellow, which not only looks great with the Guardsman's colors, but also with any red and gold suited Iron Man. The only other time you get a yellow one is when you buy the Stealth Armor repaint of Classic IM. And of course, the best thing about the blast is that you can use it for other figures with standard size fists, even the WWE ones. (Sorry I don't have any to put 'em on!) But I think it would sure look great on Marvel Universe Havok, who's just been released in the new HAMMER files wave. Yes, most definitely Havok, Havok and that Triple H character because he just owns everyone in the WWE, so he may as well shoot laser beams from his hands.
Value Score: 7.5 / 10
7 / 10 - Muscle-bound but otherwise lacking in armor-like detail, unless muscle-bound armor is kind of your thing. Heheh.
7 / 10 - As consistent with the Iron Man 2 line, the paint is not consistent. But the metallized green seems to appear better than the IM red in terms of looking like metal instead of like wax.
8 / 10 - The Guardsman's best feature. Uncluttered with armor-like detail means free range of motion for all his joints except his head.
8 / 10 - As an army builder or a body builder, this guy is fun to play around with. He could really be a WWE wrestler in costume.
7.5 / 10 - "Standard" IM 2 accessories with the preferred repulsor blast. Just about worth it.
75 / 100 - This is a Good Toy
He's not a bad figure to have if you like the classic comic book look or if you just fancy another villain. At worst he's also an army builder figure or even custon fodder. But I've got to give this guy props for being as poseable as he is and having really detailed muscular sculpt. You could probably bring him for Biology Show and Tell--I know I would(n't). I like having this guy but I'll like him better when I get my hands on two or three more of him.
-Ewan
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